Its been 5 days since a dear friend of ours passed and I find myself not able to sleep again, hurting for the loss of a dear friend. I'm usually just post pictures and short captions on my blog, but I think I need to start treating it as more of a journal. Emily is so good at that and I need to learn from her example. Although this is very personal to me I decided to publish a post and do better from now on. ( Not that many people look at my blog anyway):)
I want to fist say to Emily how much I love you and am so sorry for your loss. I wish I had some inspired words, but all I keep thinking is what can I do to take the pain on myself and spare you. You are wonderful and truly have Christ in your countanence, like John. Your family has a permenant place in my heart. Steve and I were talking yesterday about how we must have known you well before we came to earth, we feel so tied to you and love you so deeply. When we first moved to Utah, before I met you I was driving to meet my cousin and passed a car going to other direction, I glanced at the driver for a split second, and thought, " I know him, thats Steves truest friend from his mission, John Jones." Steve and I called him that night and he had recognised me too. I t hought that was amazing that through Steve letters and pictures about someone he cared for so much and looked up to so much, I knew him right away, even though I just saw his face in a car driving by. I knew Steve loved him but I never dreamed of him marrying the most amazing woman and friend. When I was in the hospital for weeks with pregnancy complications. John and Emily were my constants. They were always there for me and uplifted my spirits more than they will ever know. Steve and John gave me blessings, Emily bought a friend and we made cards together, and John and Emily brought food!!! ( The hospital food made me ill) I rememeber I told Emily how yummy the Chicken n' chaladas were and she smiled and informed me she worked all day so John made them:) John and Emily were there when we brought our little 4 pounder home from the hospital which was such a happy moment.
When Emily lost her first baby, I cried for days, she deserved to be a mother so much and I knew she was going to be an amazing one. John is with their first child now and I wish I could be there to see their beyond joyfull reunion as their family forever reunites one day.
I wish I could fluently write words of comfort, but I am just going to bear my testimony and hope that the spirit of peace can come with it.
I am so gratefull for the truth in our lives. I know we have a loving Heavenly Father that knows us and our needs and desires. I know all our losses will be made up to us, if we continue to do what is right and follow in our Saviors footsteps. I'm so thanksfull for the temple and the peace , knowledge, and blessings that come with it. I am so grateful for my Savior, for how much he loves me that he would die and suffer for me and my family and friends so we can all be together again, and live with Heavenly father. I have so much to still work on but I cant wait to embrace him one day, tears of grattitude will be never ending. I know prayer is real and i know that having the scriptures being a constant in your life will help you have power and peace. I'm so gratefull for the companionship of the Holg Ghost, and when I'm promted to help or protect my sweet children. I'm so thankfull Familys are for Eternity.
Steve and I didnt have any money to go to the funeral which made us so sad, but we went to a quiet spot at night on a hill near a lake and wrote loving messages to John on round glass ornaments and and placed them on a tree. We shared memmories of John and said a prayer for Emily, Lizzie, and the baby. We cried, a lot. It was a private moment but I wanted to take a few pictures, for Lizzie to see one day, people all over the world missed her Daddy. We were just two of the many thinking of John and his family that night that couldnt make it to the funeral that day and we had to do something.
John, we mis you and love you and are so thankfull we know the kind of man you are and how you lived your life. We know where we will find you, spreading the message of the gospel and serving and being happy.
Emily, I cant stop thinking of you, everyday, all day. I love you. You are in my prayers and heart always, and I hope to be a part of your life till you return to your sweet John, and even after that. Thinking of you always, all my love,
your eternal friend,